I recently experienced something that sent me into quite a chaotic and painful tail spin. I’ve spent the last few days trying to unpack it gently myself and also with the help of a listening heart of which I am so immensely grateful.
What came into my realization is that we can never truly anticipate nor understand fully the impact of what we say to another. Because of their life experiences, filters and perceptions how it is absorbed may be something that was not anticipated.
Before my son shed his earth suit I had a very intuitive women whom I admired greatly and was working with at the time say, “Oh, the grandmothers are circling all around you.” I had no idea what she was speaking of and inquired. Her response is that they gather when there’s going to be a death, yet she jumped right in and said that my son was going to be okay and perhaps it was my aging and ailing father-in-law?
Not but a week later, it tragically was my son and I recall sharing it with her and her visceral reaction.
I also recall when I was doing my hospital visiting as a chaplain saying something to a woman when her reaction was, “I don’t borrow trouble.” I’ll never forget it, and realized that I had crossed a boundary and needed to remain always in the present moment with whomever I’m speaking to.
As a parent of a child who is no longer earth side we carry a hyper vigilant GPS within us and wish we could wrap our beloveds in bubble wrap to keep them protected, safe and earth side. It never leaves us as we know first hand that the unthinkable can and sadly does happen.
As I’ve slowly unpacked this recent comment that was made to me I understand now that I truly did not hear it in its entity because I left my body for a moment. I realize that this is not something I ever want to become a messenger about nor do I have a crystal ball. I cannot know with 100% certainty how life will unfold for another and their inner knowing is their crystal ball. To be the receiver or giver of things that one is powerless over sends me out into the ethers and feels fraught with unnecessary fear and anxiety.
I was offered an opportunity to sift and sort this. What bubblers up is that I possess a deep knowing within me that I must continue to create boundaries. With the spirit realm, with myself and those in my sphere that unless I can take some kind of positive action, to leave me out of that powerless, anxiety driven and fearful loop. I’m practicing daily how not to borrow trouble and sense what a healthier and present moment choice this is to live into my life and allow others the gift to live theirs.
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