A Graduation of Sorts

Lately I have been noticing a change in the ways in which I can sense and feel my son. At first I felt a bit saddened and frightened that he had gone on without me or even reincarnated as I have no idea how all of this works and can only imagine.

I brought this to my mentor and Douglas was waiting as if he knew he needed to clarify for me what was happening for him. He described his evolving in the spirit world as kind of a high rise apartment complex with different floors. Each floor representing his learning that is continuing and as he completes a floor he moves to the next one. Always he is trying to give images and explanations that he hopes I can understand.

Douglas explained that in my early loss he knew I needed tangible and visible signs and that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to move objects, play with electricity, and however our loved ones make themselves known to us. He called it for lack of a better word a crutch that I needed and no longer do.

I’m not so sure that I’m graduating at the speed that he is because I find such comfort and connection in the signs. I don’t sense they are gone completely, yet not to be hanging onto needing to see something to validate his connection with me is freeing and a corner I am slowly turning. What was explained to me is as they ascend, their spiritual vibration speeds up and it is not easy and takes a tremendous amount of energy to slow themselves down to come into a heavy and dense 3 D reality.

Douglas reassured me that there are new and different ways awaiting us and we will continue to evolve our relationship and to try to remain open to them. A thought that comes in may be from him, a nudge to do something, an intuitive hit as I refer to them, a sense of feeling him close by, these are all the ways in which he continues to show up and I’m excited as to how our companioning will deepen over time.

I must admit that I’m a junkie for the feather that sits in front of his picture moving, as well as area rugs, hearing just the perfect song, seeing number configurations, shooting stars, objects that were lost reappearing out of nowhere, yet after hearing about this I have felt a sense of relief. He is not gone, I’m not forgotten, as these are all human feelings and so understandable to be experiencing, yet they are not accurate or the truth for what is birthing between us.

This is my experience and may not be yours, yet if it is I hope it brings a tiny exhale and perhaps relaxing into what is, because actually I just had this conversation the other day with one of my bereaved mommas. I sensed that if the two of us were experiencing this, perhaps someone else might need to hear about this too.

Our loved ones are in our midst, they are evolving, graduating if you may as are we and we are each benefitting from one’s another inner healing work. Our relationships did not cease when their physical lives did, it is infinite, for us to grow into. Remembering that change is as real for our loved ones no longer earth side as it is for us. I am immensely grateful for what has been and curious to be discovering what’s next.

One heart by Andelene Horsford (Mom of Colleen)

How many times must one heart break

For it to faint and die?

How deep must all the stab wounds be

Before it says good-bye?

All the body’s aches and pains,

In its intensity,

Can not compare to this heart’s grief

Inside, where none can see.

The only reason I get up

To face another day,

Is love’s eternal bliss I find

In little things along my way.

One day I will also be

A guardian angel from above,

Give silent hugs and nudges to

The ones I’ll always love!