I’m not sure if there is anyone with an earth suit that is not a recovering __________. We may fill in the blank or add a few more lines if needed.
As I learned how to do a fearless moral inventory within myself when I was in twelve step work, I found that I needed to face my isms with a compass of total honesty, compassion and a willingness to want to change what I could. The illusion of control was at the top of my list.
Believing that if I could just take control and become the grand puppeteer of those in my sphere, it would magically make me feel better? Minimize my fears and keep everyone safe, happy, conflict and substance free. Loosening my white knuckle grip and opening my palms has moved me into the vastness of unknowing. My adrenal glands are thanking me for releasing and not taking on what was never mine from the beginning.
I must admit I notice parents seeming to rock what felt so out of reach for me at times. Feelings of remorse creep within and a longing to push the do over button flashes in blinding neon colors. Yet, I am invited when I land there to also remember that this is only one side of a two sided coin. I flip the coin round and round and pause long enough to catch myself before I jump down that well worn rabbit hole. .
A friend reminded me not too long ago when I was experiencing a moment of lament, that parenting as is everything resides on a broad spectrum. We can whisk across it at a rapid speed within seconds and as long as course correction is an ever present option, we can exhale too along the way.
Whether one is in recovery from perfectionism, control, substance abuse, over working, busyness, chronic worry, whatever is occupying the blanks, it is something that never completely goes away. We can remain in recovery mode as long as we are vigilant and aware. Utilizing our tools as soon as we feel ourselves creeping back into our previous default mode, a place we are no longer choosing to reside.
One of my most powerful healing tools with my control issues is to remind myself that everyone has a Higher Power and that I am not it. It is not my job nor does anyone desire it to be. As my illusion of believing that I could control outcomes has taken a back seat, my relationships are healthier and improving. I continue to pause and imagine what I am going to say, how it might feel if it were directed toward me. Most often it makes me come to an abrupt halt. When I am in reaction and forget I attempt to make a quick U turn and clean up my mess with an amends of taking full responsibility for my actions.
Perhaps taking a moment and doing some self inquiry of what we are recovering from may become a pivotal moment? It certainly has been for me. This road of recovery is worth every pot hole and flat tire along the way of that I am certain.
“When you get out of the driver’s seat, you find that life can drive itself, that actually life has always been driving itself. When you get out of the driver’s seat, it can drive itself so much easier—it can flow in ways you never imagined. Life becomes almost magical. The illusion of the ‘me’ is no longer in the way. Life begins to flow, and you never know where it will take you.” ~ Adyashanti
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