A Question That Changed Our Life?

(Grad school, 1977, Medford, Massachusetts)

What is a question you asked that changed your life? This was written about by Drew McGee, on Substack, and it has not let go of me yet. I am going to begin including it within my conversations. I needed more time within it for myself first, and now feel ready to spring open the lid on this jar of amazingness.

I am including some of the questions that were in the comments of his post because oh, my they are SO, so good and have me wanting to dive deeply into the folds and crevices of many of them.

• What if I am not a victim?

• Could I become something better?

• What if I just did the hard thing, what if I didn’t resist change?

• What if worrying makes something worse?

• What if who I am is not who I was?

• Can you think of any compelling reason why we should stay together?

• What else could it be?

• What would the simplest, most elegant, haiku-like version of this look like?

• What if I love myself fully and completely?

• Where will this take me?

• How do I go on living after my son died? This one brought a heart clutch

• What would my future fantasy life be if I constructed it of dreams rather than of debris?

• Do I like what I’m doing?

• How will I handle it?

• What’s the best that could happen?

• Why don’t you find out?

• Why couldn’t that be you?

• What now and why not?

• What can I learn about you?

• After my son died, I asked myself, what if this is the happiest I’ll ever be? Another heart clutch

• May I be a witness to myself and to witness others?

I could have penned many more, yet will present what the author of this asked, “Reflect on a pivotal moment in your life when a single question sparked a profound shift in your perspective or trajectory-How did its answer shape the course of your life?”

I recall being in college in the midwest and asking myself the question, if I still belonged back on the east coast where I had grown up? Thus my decision to apply to grad school in Massachusetts, to spend time feeling into my question. The more important piece of this was my passion for teaching and knowing that wherever it took me would be home for now. Actually, where I landed after graduation was in Utah. Which was meant to be on so many levels that I would come to understand more fully over time.

Another vital question I asked myself was, could I go back to my hospital chaplaincy after my son had died? It took me three years to enter back into a hospital setting. The only way I could manage it was by asking Douglas to companion and help me by assisting with my care of the patients, families and staff. He inhabits a perspective that cannot be mine while I’m earth side. In fact, my chaplaincy ability soared because of what he could offer me from a perspective that I simply cannot possess yet. We’ve been a team ever since I first asked, and today he assists me with my mentoring calls with my clients. We are living into our mother/son dream of the kind of healing work we had hoped we would one day do together.

I plan on incorporating asking this question often and I am curious to listen to what the responses may be? This is relevant to all ages and I have no doubt, children will absolutely nail it. In fact, one child was listening to a song he really liked and asked, who is singing this song? Thus his fascination and inquiry leading him to become a dedicated Swifty. It can be just that simple.

(The stained glass I would gaze upon in the hospital chapel when I needed a moment between patient visits.) It has since changed, with the remodeling of the chapel, yet this is the one that brought me back into the moment.)