While in conversation with one of my Utah peeps who listened to what I was sharing she replied with a sentence of how she viewed me in me the midst of this ongoing monologue I often find myself engaged within.
What I heard her say was something to the effect that with my boundaries and what is best for me currently that the relationship I was describing felt mutually beneficial for all.
It was one of those pivotal moments where everything slowed down and I saw from a different perspective. An ongoing situation I have been chewing on, spitting out, sometimes even to the point of feeling myself choking on it was laid before me in a way that I had not considered yet.
We can never ever truly know how our perspective on something when asked for and sometimes even when not, offers an expansive vista. This is how it landed for me and I could feel my insides exhaling. It felt so simple, something I know I have been complicating because I’ve been in the midst of the tangle. As if one thread had been pulled and it unraveled for me to look within where I could not see before.
It reminds me of a story I heard about someone very new in recovery standing in front of a cooler section, looking at beer and a man in rubber boots appeared behind him and said, “Pal, choose a lemonade instead.” When the gentleman quickly turned around and went looking for who had said this they had vanished from his sight. We often speak of earth angel encounters and this narrative feels like one.
I have no doubt each of us may recall a time when we knew something without even understanding how we did? What I have been engaging in lately is giving myself full permission to ask within if what is coming in for me is something I may share or need to keep to myself. I cannot tell you how accurate the information is that I receive back. When I am shown a red light, it means this is just for you and I heed its counsel. When the green light appears, I share without overthinking it. What I am noticing is that I hope it lands in the highest way that it can and yet if it does not, that is a chance I will take. To not share feels too heavy to carry. Once it’s passed along, it’s no longer mine as it never was mine to begin with. I cannot always be certain of how it will be received, yet I can circle back for clarification if needed. When done in this way it infuses the words with a super power to find entry points to nestle within.
A view from above, a fresh perspective is something which untangles and frees my gray matter perhaps with something that has been taking up far too much bandwidth for too long. It now is left untethered to alchemize into something life giving when I allow my gaze another view.
if
you
are
paying
attention
this
world
will
gut
and
resurrect
your
heart
daily
hoping
always
to
build
you
closer
to
all
the
love
you
are ~ Tam H.
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