2023 feels so immensely significant for me as I stand on the precipice of it. I am curious as to what is landing within each of you as you read these words?
Fifty years ago I graduated from high school, forty years ago I gave birth to my first born, Douglas, twenty years ago I retired from a twenty-five year career as an elementary school teacher and stepped into a decade long hospital chaplaincy path.
In a multitude of ways I sense I’ve been in a long stretch of unlearning, questioning, falling, picking myself back up, a few steps forward and several back. Yet, forever in awe of this soul of mine who yearns to continue to venture into the mystery of unknowing with curiosity and a sense of longing and hope riding shot gun.
For years I have not made resolutions, yet what does resonate for me is to think of a word that becomes my North Star. I may choose one for awhile and then move into another if I am called to. Oh, how I wish I had saved them all somewhere, yet alas, I did not. One year I recall ease was my word and it companioned and reminded me often of how I could be perceiving and living into life. When I was tempted to create more angst, confusion and strife, to try to remain open minded and drop back into my comfy easy chair of ease slowly moved in.
The word, expansion, intrigues and delights me. I can visualize my little child within me looking over her shoulder to make sure that it’s okay to be coloring outside of the lines. Stretching, growing and oozing into cracks and crevices that are still being discovered.
Encouraging myself to spend as much time in this expansive state within my cognitive, physical, spiritual and intuitive self. Realizing this is a dance of contraction and expansion and each are needed in this season of life I am inhabiting.
Contrary to feeling purposeless, I am discovering a well-spring within me that cannot be silenced and is moving me along a path that I do not always recognize, yet calls my name and gently takes my hand.
One thing I do know for sure is that within my expansion I am noticing what I consciously choose to bring with me and what can remain behind that served me for a time, yet no longer does. Dried up and worn out thought forms and narratives that are no longer true need not receive an invitation to accompany me. I am visualizing within this expansive state, a spaciousness who calls out and reminds me that she need not become filled, cluttered and chaotic. My heart quickens as I begin with the expansion of my lungs taking in a deep, long belly breath, holding it and releasing it with intention and possibility.
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