Painting by Ginger, Kyle's momma
Am I remembering to invite Douglas daily into my life? This is something that I have mentioned before, yet it came up recently once again in one of my conversations with a bereaved momma.
This assistance is always accessible and I sense it is not something perhaps that is naturally considered, yet now I cannot imagine navigating my days without having an open door policy.
I’ve found that if I begin my day with gratitude, no matter how dismal I may feel, I can always find something. I am not speaking of a Pollyanna kind of gratitude; what often lands for me is perhaps the ability to breathe and thanks for this earth vessel that has allowed me to be in this world for over six decades. From there I ask to be guided throughout my day and my body continues to lead me as I check in periodically.
This false sense that I am living life on my own could not be further from the truth. When I am believing that narrative, it’s generally when I’m feeling afraid and making any decisions in fear steers me off course rapidly and never have a positive outcome.
I had a day not too long ago that really felt as if it was going south and fast. As I drove into where I needed to be I asked for assistance to remember what is important and not to allow myself to get entangled over those matters of which I had no control over. How I react to them is the control that I do have.
A child who entered into the space where I was is who changed everything for me. The assistance I asked for came in the form of a four year old child who totally recalibrated my insides. This little one with strawberry blonde hair, electric blue eyes that captured a hold of mine and would not let go is who came to my aid. He brought me back into the present moment and he saw me, right through me and we giggled at one another as friends do at recess when they’ve made a new friend. A recognition is what I felt and that perhaps this was not our first rodeo together. I don’t know and I don’t need to, yet the assistance came because I had asked for it as I do each day.
What if I forget and don’t remember to invite, I’ve heard some ask? I’m not sure I have an answer, yet for me, I am a believer that it’s always there and I’ve even said if I might forget, you have my permission always to intervene on my behalf. This is a giving and offering over for the highest guidance to come forth and my finite mind cannot always understand what I am in need of and how it might arrive.
On that day, it came in as an adorable four year old, wise beyond his years, who mirrored back to me the healing that is activated when I am fully present and trusting that assistance is only a breath away and IS always invited.
Woke by Kate Mapother
I lie awake
wondering
why I sometimes
live as a refugee
exiled to the
smallest room
of my heart,
when the enormity
of love is a
gorgeous door-
violently open.
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