Chaff and Grain, Sifting and Sorting

“Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” ~Dinah Maria Murlock

The sense of sifting and sorting that Dinah, the author of this quote articulates I felt as I moved through a very painful experience recently. I needed help with it as it felt like an immobilized entity and everything I was trying was not allowing it to move through me so that I could release it. It felt anchored, wedged between my mind and my heart and no amount of distracting, rationalizing, numbing and or trying to not admit the immense hurt of the encounter was allowing this boulder to be moved.

My inner self knew I needed to reach out and ask for help. I have my “go to” family and friends, each with their own unique gifts that I can call upon and my heart informed me of who I needed. She created space where she held and truly heard my words, acknowledged them, did not go into the dismissal of them or into solution because I was not ready for that yet. Listening to what I was saying, she sifted and sorted and encouraged me to keep diving deeper within the layers of hurt to see what was on my foundational floor. It was a childhood wound that I often go to which is shame. I grew up in a generation of children who often heard, “Shame on you,” when a mistake was made or something that did not live up to an expectation was felt. My “old friend," shame, was there and once it was named, sat with and brought out into the light, it lost its choke hold on me. In that moment we could blow away what was not needed and keep what was.

I understand the default mode of hesitating to reach out and ask for help most especially when the news is turned on and I see lives being senselessly taken. How could what I am experiencing carry any weight of importance when everything around me is in the depth of a crisis? Yet, the paradox of living within the both/and is a vital reminder that I must place the oxygen mask on myself first before I may assist my seat mates. Companioning one another and resting in the soft places that a heart with ears offers, invites and welcomes ongoing healing both for the giver as well as the receiver.