I am reminded of one of my most powerful healing tools that is alway available to me. My ability to circle back when I sense repair is needed in my relationships.
One’s tendency to hope that the “the thing” whatever “the thing” may be was not heard, has been forgotten, was not as _______ we can fill in the blank with whatever word lands.
This requires self awareness and becomes easier to engage as I’ve been utilizing it more often. I cannot tell you how often when I mention “the thing” it perhaps was forgotten, yet when it was not, allowing the one I’m in conversation with to let me know how it felt without any explanation as to why I said or did what I did, IS the medicine.
Just recently my grandson was in the library at the school where I am the volunteer coordinator. He said, “Mimi, I remember the time you didn’t let me wear pajamas to preschool when it was pajama day.” I looked at him with absolutely zero recollection of this, yet replied, “Oh, wow, that feels confusing and I’m sure didn’t make you feel very good that you were sure it was pajama day and I doubted you.” He laughed, shrugged it off, yet it has stayed with me that I’m so immensely grateful that our relationship feels safe enough for him to allow these kinds of conversations.
What prevents me from doing this, from circling back for clarification, connection and if needed, repair? I believe it’s a hidden hope that what is tugging at me was not as terrible as I might believe it was. Yet, if it’s haunting me, most likely it is for the receiver of my comment as well and it takes a necessary pause and courage too to circle back to what I desire to sprint away from.
Circling back in this fast forward always hustling culture is counter intuitive, yet it is a must. So much wasted time and energy spent wondering or flogging oneself can be addressed and with this comes the desire to not wait, yet to engage immediately. I have even noticed if I say something that comes out sideways that I can stop myself in the moment to express what I wanted to in the first go around. However, with those nagging thoughts where time has passed, it is never too late to circle back to repair.
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