Dear Grieving and Healing One,
“Treat grief, yes, welcome her, as you would a cherished friend, one who keeps your secrets and stays up all night with you. One who stands by you, books of lamentations and weeps with you though love songs and sunsets, which now are too sad for words. Such a friend is rare and irreplaceable. Such a friend is worthy of your tenderness and attention. Over time, you will see that grief softens her edges. Her eyes relax, her fists unclench once she trusts you with her heart and she feels safe. You will grow to know and love her back, like few others. Treat grief as an old friend and she will offer you respite from a meaningless life. It is not, of course, the life you loved and wished for and should have had. That life cannot return in this place in that way. So grief, like a beloved friend, stands in stead, waiting patiently for your readiness. And, one day grief will break all our hearts open to the sorrow and the longing, the anguish and the questioning. But in our heart’s shattering may we open not just to the pain, but also to all the beauty of the world and the inimitable love that will always remain. And would we have it any other way except to have them back again? Grief is loyal and she will always remember with us even when others turn away because this is why she was born-to remember. And this is the job of a beloved friend walking with our heart gently, in her hands, even when we wish we never knew her.” ~ Joanne Cacciatore
The capturing of the duality of living within grief and love, the pain and beauty as they weave, intersect and touch the edges of one another is so beautifully captured in this piece.
As I have become ready and more comfortable to welcome her in, to allow her to companion me rather than bolting down the doors of my heart, there has been a slow merging. Where once there existed a line of demarcation which felt necessary for a time, I have discovered that it’s no longer there. The exponential amount of constant energy I exuded trying to keep her out could not be sustained for long. I was certain my heart would stop beating if I allowed her in and needed some sense of control. As I became willing and curious about this constant and patient visitor, I cracked the door ajar and she slithered quietly in. Replacing the incessant chatter of my inner critic, my need for distraction, my futile efforts to sprint and outrun grief nipping at my heel fused with a cosmic blending and pulsing of our interwoven and intuitive heartbeats.
Grief and love walk hand in hand and they will forever be a part of me as long as I am still feeling the earth beneath my feet. I no longer compartmentalize my loss nor do I choose to. It was needed for a time, yet when it wasn’t I knew that change was upon me once again. Like an old, protective skin that was relied upon for my healing was asking to be sloughed off in gratitude for what it had safeguarded underneath its watch. A tender, pink skin awaited oxygen, the sunlight and its turn to companion me into another layer of my ongoing healing practice.
Such is the labyrinth we place one foot in front of the other on as we experience our grief companion of pain, love, longing, loss, joy and perhaps one day some peace. If it’s time time to rest, to BE still, sitting it out for a time, believing that our chance will come once again we must listen and heed the call. Trusting that we will rise and follow a well worn path of those who have come before us, leaving something behind for those who will surely follow.
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