Photo Credit: Susan Lash http://susanlashphoto.com
How often do I try to fill in the blanks for another when I’m not understanding or trying to perhaps control how something is landing inside for me?
I recently read Nadia Bolt-Weber’s sermon that she gave at a women’s prison on this topic and honestly, it stopped me in my tracks. Something that I realize I have done, can do and often without a thought about what might be true for the person that I’m filling in the blanks for.
“We are free from the bondage of having to fill in the blank when it comes to other people. Knowing that you are not the labels put onto you by those who want to feel good about themselves and only know how to do that by comparison. Healing is not having to attribute character traits to them, or anyone else for that matter,” Nadia states.
My narrative has nothing to do what is happening in someone else’s world. It’s perhaps my way of making sense of things, yet it is meaningless when I impose those constructs upon anyone else. How can I understand/know what is happening in their worlds? The simple answer is, I cannot.
In early bereavement if I didn’t answer my phone I would receive messages such as this, “I know you are not answering your phone and are home and I am worried about you.” Well, guess what? On dozens of occasions I wasn’t home, had been out and if I was available and didn’t answer it was a choice that I needed to be making for myself.
I too have been guilty of filling in the blanks when wondering at times why I’ve not heard back from someone and can attach to it personally. Making it about me when it most likely has nothing to do with me. Often later to discover that they have been ill, out of town, took on a new job, are caring for a loved one and always I am SO grateful and relieved for the times that I did pause to wait and to see.
This feels like a healthy way of being, shedding a spot light on perhaps a habitual behavior that is far too easy to fall into. What if we could do a turn around with this and not feel the need to fill in the blanks? It would be a revolution as Glennon Doyle, reminds us and is one I am desiring to suit and show up for.
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