Mel Robbins, https://www.melrobbins.com/ offers a life hack that she refers to as, ‘Let Them.’ She absolutely stands by expressing its myriad of uses and is noticing changes within herself that feel empowering and freeing. The two words remind me of how we concluded our weekly Al-Anon meetings with the Serenity Prayer.
It diffuses the upset, the giving over of our precious time and energy in trying to change another and debunks the illusion of control that we believe we may have that was never ours to begin with. It becomes a conscious practice of unhooking an often unconscious default mode of being. Often believing it’s easier to have an opinion about something rather than to go within and deal with our own feelings of discomfort around whatever it is we feel should be happening that is not. Actually, remembering that the more we try to control an outcome the more out of control we generally feel.
She used an example that Dr. Amy Johnson, shares about imagining we’re in a tiny boat paddling upstream against the current, feeling the resistance and frustration. What if we could drop the oars, let go, and observe how our boat knows instinctively how to turn itself around and float naturally downstream with the flow of the current.
Controlling natures are a form of anxiety and often fear based. Distracting us from the truth by taking our focus “out there.” When I am in this space I am definitely othering. Admitting that I can have strong opinions and even judgments around people, places and things. Self compassion is my hard reset and I am gentle with myself in the awareness and reframing.
Most certainly there are life situations where the ‘Let Them’ theory is not something that is advisable. Imminent danger to oneself or another, discriminatory behavior, crossing boundaries and Mel added don’t ever let someone else determine your worth; ask for what you are needing.
The ‘Let Them’ theory in psychology is essentially about acknowledging that we have no control over other people and have a choice of letting go of expectations. The theory of simply letting one be is transformative in relationships, resulting in increased possibilities of growing more ease, truth and authenticity.
This is a practice and one that is not new to me, yet the way in which Mel presents it with her two powerful words feels invigorating and fresh. I am grateful to have it circle back into my life presented in this way as it reminds me of being in my Monday night Al-Anon meeting. One of the first places where I was invited to keep coming back. Encouraging me to remain open to hear the similarities within myself of the experiences shared, where there was no room for othering. Shifting the focus back upon myself and remembering that the courage to change will forever begin with me.
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