I’m in my third/third as it has been referred to and I’m not at all certain how I landed here? No familial generation ahead of me and only those existing behind me. Wild, crazy, unbelievable, believable, time speeds up, time slows down, are just a few of the bodily sensations that arrive.
Listening to the author/ poet, Maggie Smith read her latest book, You Could Make This Place Beautiful, her description of our lives as Nesting Dolls feels as if she’s onto something meaningful and significant. Maggie describes how we can carry versions of ourselves and different lives within this one body and life we are currently living into. Nesting doll says to self, “I can’t carry you, I can hand it to you and trust you will know what to do with it.” It referring those versions of oneself that might feel outgrown or aspects that travel with us from nest to nest. She so beautifully reflects, “The end of a thing is tucked into its beginning.”
I have found myself intentionally digging, sifting, sorting, and uncovering layer upon layer. Desiring as an archaeologist might to understand what has come before and how it is influencing what is now. A multi faceted life time housed within each nesting doll providing fascinating information which is vital for piecing together an existence.
My mind can be selective in what it allows to be brought into memory, yet my heart and body continue to offer a myriad and depth of feelings contained within each of these valuable time periods.
So much I didn’t know, yet believed that I did and I suspect that might have been needed to keep me putting one foot in front of the other. Not certain how I even landed where I am in this now moment at times? Somewhere nestled deep within resides a hidden GPS, a navigator at the helm who guides my way.
I reflect upon these chapters and have vivid sensations of those pivotal moments where life felt uncertain and then all of a sudden a messenger arrived. Often those messengers do not even remember saying the “thing” that offered a brand new trajectory. I have inquired and I remember, yet often they have no recollection? I find this immensely intriguing and other worldly.
Sometimes I’m in this space of wishing that I had known then what I do now, yet I understand this is not possible and is a common longing for most of us in these earth suits. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” ~ Madeline L’ Engle
Chuckling too as I look at pictures that pop up from a decade ago and think to myself, wow, look at you then. Instead of ruining that moment for myself, my inner dialogue ponders; in a decade if you are still blessed to have a body, you will be thinking the same thing as you do now. This simple reframing is helping me to become softer and quieting my inner critic.
We are traveling time periods together. May our archaeologist skills continue becoming skillfully adept as we dig, sift and sort through our many incarnations with this present one. Remaining mindful that each nesting place has played a significant role in landing us where we are today. The constant that follows from nest to nest is love. May she always remain our faithful companion.
“The person I was can go no further.
If I am to get to where I am going
I must step fully into who I am
BECOMING.” ~ Virginia Rosenberg
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