Treading water is a survival skill learned by all swimmers early on as is floating. I remember practicing both as a child at summer camp in the icy, cold waters in the Penobscot Bay in Maine. I couldn’t wait to be told, “Time to get on your back and float,” as my legs became weary of pumping just hard and long enough to keep my eight year old head from gulping huge mouthfuls of salt water.
Living into loss may feel much like treading water and gobbles up our energy reserves. One may have an adequate night of rest and awaken utterly exhausted and wonder what is wrong with them? Feeling completely baffled and puzzled by it and sometimes frightened too wondering if it will ever change?
Just like my eight year old self who yearned to hear our counselor tell us we could stop treading and flip over onto our backs to float, I now remind myself of the same thing. Treading is necessary at times and so is remembering to float. One is not better than the other and they are really a package deal. Some days I might find myself treading more and others able to float and whichever mode I’m in is okay for now. Both are needed on this healing path and I've learned over time not to question either one.
The reality of loss is that it requires an abundant amount of life force energy. Even when I may wonder if healing is happening, it is, because all my systems are working on integrating and carrying my loss(es). Once I acknowledged and embraced this, I found myself allowing for a lot more wiggle room and grace in moments where I felt sideways and upside down. I realized that I was working overtime just to remain grounded and moving forward carrying my grief backpack. Never desiring to leave it behind and learning how to manage and carry it into the cracks and crevices of my current life.
Whether we are treading water or floating each are two modes of BEing that are a muscle we may not have known we had, yet once discovered and incorporated become as natural as our breath is. As we practice them in tandem, we might feel ready to dip our toes in and remember that we once loved to swim. The healing waters have been waiting patiently for us and welcome treading, floating and always swimming.
Comments