Healing and the domino effect keeps me hopeful, curious and observant. I am discovering that as I heal and live into healthy ways of being, it naturally affects those in my orbit.
I remember having dominos in my classroom and how much my students enjoyed setting them up carefully and having “guards” on duty to keep others from walking by and knocking them over. I believe they hoped to top any Guinness World book record. Once set up, they would gently push on the first one and watch in amazement the chain effect of them toppling down upon one another in a matter of moments. What took so long to build, changed its energetic course and feeling within seconds.
The paradox within this is to remember that our healing looks very much the same. As we address those places within ourselves that beg for our attention, it takes the focus off of trying to control and manage others which is classic codependent behavior.
Never would I have imagined that my 12 step work in Al-Anon would become such a soft place to land when my heart was shattered after the loss of my son. The principles were the same and I knew I needed to stay in my lane and trust that my family would find their way just as I would be discovering mine.
An image of a figure eight, something I traced into the ground when learning how to ride horses became a metaphor for the way my husband and I were navigating our individual and shared loss. Both of us going out into our own circles seeking our tools and coming back into the center daily. In this sacred space we would often sit in silence, remember, shed tears and ask questions which had no answers. All of it was welcomed and invited in this center space where the two circles overlap, touch and find connection. Understanding that to place expectations on one another that were impossible to fulfill would deplete our already severely lacking energy reserves. Energy was infusing into us while out in our individual circles that we could bring back to one another when meeting in the middle.
To offer myself, my family the freedom required that my way was merely that, my way and trusting that they would find theirs has made a significant difference. This is the path we have been walking for close to fifteen years now and it is not a sprint, yet a marathon. With its twists, turns, detours, redirections, full stops and even a few full speed ahead experiences. I suspect it will continue to feel this way as the healing path has never felt like a goal for me, yet a road everyone must travel at their own pace and in their own unique way. This understanding that as one of us heals, the benefits are felt by the collective is a key in the lock to the many mysteries of this human experience.
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