Something I have noticed about loss that seems to be a central heart tether that binds us is to not have our loss to have been in vain. It matters as does our person and our love that we cannot move physically with and towards our person is needing to find an outlet, an expression, a way of BEing that feels life giving, healing and nurturing in some way.
In my early walk with loss every step I took towards that pushed me back and reminded me that I was “not ready” yet. I was wondering who was making those decisions as I felt as if I was, yet truth be told, I wasn’t. My energy level and my protective shield resembled Swiss cheese and I was leaking vital life force energy that I needed for my own healing out into the ethers unknowingly.
I was not fully cognizant of this at first because I craved distractions, sitting with the intensity of the loss felt like too much, so if I could just distract myself with mindless business maybe I might feel better? I believe one can perhaps, yet there are at least two conversations always going and the one on my insides did not match my representative I was sending out into the world to do my bidding.
Various opportunities came my way, yet I had to trust and rely on that FOMO (fear of missing out) was simply not going to be my reality and that when I was ready, somehow the awareness would be mine. Perhaps it was necessary for now to direct all my energy into myself first? I kept being reminding me that I needed to place the oxygen mask on myself first before I tried to help anyone else.
I have witnessed countless times when an opportunity feels as if it dropped out of nowhere with an email, a phone call, reading something, following up on a request and there was that inner leap, spanda in Sanskrit which creates curiosity, excitement within me and maybe even a little bit of nervousness and fear too.
Sitting quietly and asking what the motivation is behind the whatever it is that might be calling to us is paramount as when it’s from an inner knowing it lands differently than when it’s from ego and a laundry list of should’s.
Taking time to heal, reminding myself and one another that if we are in a waiting mode it might just be because what is meant for us has not been birthed yet. Thinking outside of the box and remembering that our gifts are ours to share and even if we try something for awhile and it does not feel like a fit, it is not wasted time, it was more of an opportunity to gather needed information for our next step.
Sinking into and resting within a deep knowing when we can that we are on our path and right where we need to BE for now. The Universe can use anything and anyone as a messenger. Paying attention, observing, trusting and taking the leap or not, this is what I am noticing these days.
Comments