Yes, we Can

(Colleen, Andelene's daughter, and forever cheerleader doing what she does best. Smiling, creating, and loving her people.)

Maybe I am the problem, the one holding back. Whenever I think of Colleen, I feel not deserving of her presence. I don't want to burden her with my heavy emotions. Fighting depression is a daily battle for me. I don't want to contaminate her pure happiness with my depressed feelings. Really, I am not feeling sorry for myself and looking for attention, as I am often being blamed of. This is just my reality every day. If I can start communicating with Colleen, then I will have my only true love back in my life again!

This is a portion of an email I received from a dear sister of the heart who companions me in child loss. In an email to me she had shared that she often feels envy around Douglas’ and my mother/son relationship, thus I replied asking if she could please elaborate, and the above is how she responded.

I cannot tell you how common these feelings seem to be that my friend is experiencing. I bump into this frequently on my mentoring calls. A prevailing belief of not feeling worthy enough to receive or to take up space in the lives of their beloveds who are no longer earth side. I experience a sensation of a fire igniting within the depths of my belly desiring to dispute this in every way that I possibly can.. How to explain what I know to be true in my ongoing relationship with Douglas, my son? I believe with every fiber of my being that it is available to everyone, and not merely a select few.

The spirit world relishes being actively involved in our lives, and wait patiently to be invited in. (Some more patiently than others.)  As soon as I received this valuable memo, a revolving door image followed. It symbolizes an open door policy encouraging and inviting full access to me, with numerous opportunities for entrances and exits too. As many as are needed to assist and guide me, please come in, I utter. Sometimes I have sensed them standing side by side pushing the doors, and it offers me a deep and abiding comfort. They understand what is needed, and there is nothing I need to try to control nor orchestrate. Simply processing a willingness, an openness, and always immense gratitude for their assistance. One can never say thank you too often.

The contamination that my friend speaks of is an impossibility.  That is a human construct we are conjuring, as they are of pure energy, light, and love. Nothing we can say or do, not say or not do is going to distract and derail them. I feel nothing but pure compassion from those in spirit as they remember vividly what it felt like to inhabit in a body, for those who had an earthly incarnation. Thus, their ongoing desire to assist us with lightening our loads. Asking for divine interventions because their view is essential in the sifting, sorting and treasure hunting that we are immersed in on earth. If one is wondering where an idea came from, the words, an action, I suspect it was from our spirit team. My finite mind simply cannot understand nor know as they do. I’m a groupie for sure now, and there is no need for convincing me. I’m ALL IN! 

A way to begin this practice is to simply invite in all benevolent beings to come into our lives and to walk beside us. We don’t have to know their names, if they are an ancestor, a guide, that may become known in time, yet often they simply desire to be part of a team. Each has a speciality, thus they are who steps forward first with whatever it is we are encountering. Of course, yes, doesn’t that make sense? It certainly does to me.

A footnote: Since my initial email exchange with Andelene, Colleen’s mom, she has been listening intentionally and is being guided. She was nudged to let her son know that she was so proud of his loving and caring lifestyle as they concluded a conversation recently. Colleen, being the catalyst, and Andelene, following her guidance. Sometimes it is just as subtle and life giving as that. Way To Go, team Andelene and Colleen. You are rockin’ it!

“Listen to the wind, it talks. Listen to the silence, it speaks. Listen to your heart, it knows.” Ojibwe Prayer

Andelene, has granted me permission to share their names and narrative. My gratitude, dear sister of the heart, and always to our beam of eternal sunlight and star shine, Colleen.