First and foremost the ones to remain mindful of, treating with the utmost of tender care, kindness and periodically checking in with begins with us and then it can and may ripple forth. Becoming extremely tired and overwhelmed with expectations of how we might believe we should be feeling and what we are actually longing for is a normal part of the grief path. It is a learning curve and one that we will be changing and evolving as we do.
There is no right or wrong way to move through the holiday season. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may invite change or choose to not observe at all and treat it as just a day to move through. Plan ahead as to where and how you will spend your time during the holidays. Allow yourself to scale back on activities if you choose to. Redefine and reframe your holiday expectations. This can become a transition year to begin new traditions and let others go. Focus on the celebration of the season by taking advantage of what nature has to offer where you live; whether it’s visiting a mountain lodge or allowing the sand to nestle between your toes.
(My third nugget, Eden. dressed and ready for her first Christmas.)
Include your loved one who is no longer earthside in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for them in which family and friends may place notes with their memories, thoughts and feelings. Plan to be with people YOU enjoy. Get enough rest.
Select a candle in your loved one’s favorite color and scent. Place it in a special area of your home and light it at significant times throughout the holiday; allowing it to serve as a reminder of the light and love that lives on in your heart. Give yourself permission to express your feelings. If you feel an urge to cry, allow the tears to flow as they are healing. Scientists have discovered that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers. Play music that is comforting and meaningful for you. Take a few moments to close your eyes and feel the music within your center. Do something for others. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family, donate money you would have spent on your loved one to a charity in their name, create a scholarship fund, consider donating money to the public library to buy a particular book that might have been a favorite of theirs, purchase a present for a child who would not otherwise have a gift during the holiday season.
Remember, anticipation of any holiday may be worse than the actual day. Lean into it and move through it in the healthiest way for you. Ask for what you need without apologies, simply ask. It’s okay too to not know what you may be needing. It is fluid and ever changing and something that may feel alright that you have said yes to, may turn into a no, and that is when allowing oneself an abundance of wiggle room and grace is paramount. Understand that you are not alone and that there are others who are grieving a loss right alongside of you. Companioning is a lifeline for both the giver as well as the receiver. Be gentle with those who walk in grief. If it is you, be compassionate with yourself. Walk slowly, breathe deeply, there is no finish line and our timelines are as unique as we are. Ask your body and heart what they are in need of, they are your truth barometers. Moments of peace and even joy may begin trickling back in slowly. It does not mean that you are forgetting or minimizing your loss. It symbolizes the grace of healing and integrating the loss into your life now. Peace to all and hoping some of these suggestions may resonate and if not, create your own list of healing reminders of how to ride the wave of grief this holiday season and all year round.
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